Breda: It’s Time to Introduce You to My Son

Last Tour Recap Special #2

Since the last 5 concerts of The High Blooming Ritual tour were so significant for me, I decided to fully embrace every single moment there was for me to experience and to do so as they unfolded rather than spend my early morning time writing, musing, and reflecting.

It was a totally different approach, one that allowed me to immerse myself into what I knew would be a deeply emotional and intensely demanding type of tour… And no matter if it was a short stretch, it was purposely designed to mark a pivotal point in the evolving transition I’ve been engaged in, personally and creatively, for a while already.

Divided into 5 short texts, I will highlight some sensations, vibrations, and introspections I had during each of those days that all went by too fast for self-doubts, that were too real to even try and hold onto them, and that were too particular to capture their essence… They had to be welcomed, embraced, lived.

Read the other parts:
Part 1 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

Breda: It’s Time to Introduce You to My Son

The day was rainy, but the vibe was great. Jeff and I received very good news from our manager Jennie the day before and decided to tell everyone once we were back at the hotel after the Utrecht concert, which led to a very sweet moment with everyone in the hotel lobby, regardless of the fact that we were all tired. It’s with excitement that we gathered in the hotel dining room to keep the conversation going the morning after before heading to Breda. The drives between cities were so short; it was quite different from the previous late summer, where it felt like we were basically living in our small touring van — never good for bands! 9 people in a 9-seater takes a lot of love for the whole touring party when spending 8, 10, 12, sometimes 14 hours on the road… The last stretch was the exact opposite… Let’s say that, at the end of such a worn-out year for me, I was happy I didn’t have to endure that much road once again.

Sharing great news after the concert in Utrecht.

Breda Is for Lovers

After quickly dropping our luggage at the hotel, we get to the MEZZ, where we were apprehensive about the stage size, which we heard could be VERY small. The faster we could assess the situation, the better, especially for our team… I figured I could be in the audience if the stage was too narrow for the whole band… I have always liked small venues, and even more so playing amongst the crowd, as it reminds me of all the hardcore/punk shows I went to with my childhood friend Phil (who now lives in LA) as a kid. I love it so much that I would start an ephemeral punk band just to do a tour of tiny venues of sorts — but it’s clearly not what my sound engineer Kerim prefers… Or should I say, he hates everything about it!

The stage was tight, but just large enough for me to fit in… If — and only if — the second drum kit was not installed. So the question was, “Do I drop The Hunter from the set list, or do we do it with only one drum?” I elected to do it with only Oli on drums, as it would be a real sacrilege to deprive our people from The Hunter, especially at one of the last 5 concerts of the High Blooming Ritual tour… It would be disrespectful on every possible level.

Once that very easy decision was taken, I converged to one of the venue’s green rooms to do an interview with my dear sister Constance on this 10th anniversary of the Bataclan massacre, in which we both lost friends and dear ones. Our conversation became a very emotional one, and to be honest, while I knew just how much preparation she had invested in each one of the questions she asked me, I was deeply impressed by the generous richness of our moment, and our communal exchange beautifully set the tone of what would be ahead for us all to share. We ended up crying and laughing at the same time… what a fabulous time.

Assessing the stage situation & interview with Constance

Soundcheck, check, check

The Club’s exclusive soundcheck went by incredibly fast, just enough to play Empire of Sorrows and Snowflakes In July and to have a short rendition of The Hunter to make sure we would have the proper feel to it. For me, it’s not about defining if the song’s parts make sense, but about the soul of every one of those songs. And it felt real and honest immediately when we tried it off, so the rest of it didn’t matter to me. Oli’s unique infusion of intentionality didn’t have to convince me to know that it would be “it” — and it was. So The Hunter was a go!!!

I ended the soundcheck chatting with our people, grateful for their caring hearts and pretty excited for the upcoming evening. There was electricity in the air still. Even Ben asked, “Is it me, or can we already feel just how special it will be tonight?” We all agreed. I was impatient to jump right back on stage, as I was able to clearly discern the outlines of the upcoming evening, which is usually rare at that point of the day. But I’m never taking anything for granted. I will keep pressing the spirit on, not for more — it’s always the right measure — but to see more shades, more details, more definition to what I can feel vividly…

The evening had many more surprises in store for all of us.

Sound checks are like road tests of some kind

“Alex, How Long Will You Play?”

The fun part of playing a music-fan-oriented venue for the first time (as it’s not always about the music) is the fact that the whole crew and management are as excited as we are from the get-go. Mel, the evening promoter, asked me candidly during dinner, “So Alex, how long will you play tonight?!” Our whole touring crew instinctively burst into laughter. As Mel was wondering if she had asked something wrong, Felix was the first one to explain: “I would suggest you be the one setting time boundaries, because we won’t be able to save you if you don’t!” Everyone re-exploded in laughter. Poor Mel… She explained that she didn’t know if the saying “Alex will play until the venue lights run out of power” was literal or not… Well… it is! I mean… I will go on and on!

So to honor Mel’s trust, I told her I would be respectful of the house and would only play 2 hours and a half. She smiled and said, “Go for it!” Yes, no worries, trust me, I will! And I did… For 2 hours and half-ish, as promised!

• A Heart Full of Colors

• Slow Pace of the Winds

• Up Til Dawn

• I’m Afraid

• The Son of Hannah

• City on Fire

• Winter Is Coming In

• Summertime Departures

• The Hunter

• Shadows Of Our Evening Tides

Set list for the Mezz

F*** Cancer

One of the very emotional aspects of the show for me was to see my precious sister Daly who is courageously fighting cancer. Knowing she should be on the stage’s left side, this is where I went to hug her and kiss her before hopping on. I was a little shocked to see her so small, as the last time I saw her at the Zero for Three Festival in Maastricht, she was still full on. Seeing Daly brought a high wave of emotions to my heart, but, in the same way, I found her smile so beautiful, so benevolent, filled with so much grace and beauty… I just couldn’t walk past her, so I stopped, looked at her, hugged her and told her how beautiful she was… She was radiating. “Life, life, life,” I told myself. “Focus on that, Alex,” I kept repeating to myself.

Meet My Son

The evening unfolded its emotional singularity in a very poignant sort of intense spectrum. Besides Daly’s condition, which became even more worrisome for me when I realized she wasn’t in the venue anymore, I was super moved to see my old friends Nina and Arie, who were amongst the very first ones to see my former band Your Favorite Enemies on stage when we stopped in the Netherlands back in 2007. We have had the joy of seeing Nina on pretty much every tour ever since, but this occasion was particularly moving for me, as I had the blessing of meeting Arie’s son, Brandon, for the very first time.

“Hey Alex, meet my son!” Those words still resonate in my heart. “Life, life, life,” I told myself again. And like my sister Daly keeps telling me, “The world has too much beauty in it for you to stop believing, Alex.” Hugging Brandon was most definitely one of those beauties. It was awesome to see him wearing a Linkin Park t-shirt. Arie and Denise, who sadly was too ill that night and couldn’t join them for the show, are clearly leading him into becoming quite the music fan — which I didn’t have any doubts about, considering that Arie and Denise have always been art enthusiasts, to say the least!

Family, Family, Family

I concluded the show after going in the crowd to hug and thank everyone for their presence, their support, and for being such a significant part of my life. It’s a special moment for me when I instinctively decide to do so. Even the staff at the bar came to be hugged. It was a sweet gesture on their part, which for me was a sign of appreciation for an evening we all knew had been pretty singular, one that only a community can experience, one that only a family can commune.

I ran to the merch table right after the show to keep sharing, another way for me to stretch the evening just a little longer and to get to know our people a little better as well. The stories are sometimes heartbreaking for me to hear, but, like Daly reminds me, through every crack on the walls of our lives, more light can come shining in. And that’s exactly how I’m learning to see mine… It’s not easy, but it makes all the difference in the world.

So when I heard a couple coming to me to explain that she felt healed from depression in Utrecht and experienced fulfillment for the first time since she had lost her son, I was in tears. It was a magnificent testimony of liberation, of self-worth and resilience. We hugged. You know, a hug of pure letting go… Real and purposeful. It’s rejuvenating, actually, and humbling as well, since it’s not about Alex, his band, or even about the music. It’s about the impalpable elements that set themselves in motion when we gather, opened, disposed, and welcoming. It’s quite a gift we offer each other. Nothing is magic, it’s intentionality that transforms. At least that’s how I see it.

Life, life, life.

Late Night Party of Ham and Gin… And Worries

We left for the hotel relatively late. I was concerned since Marcus, our Merch Captain, had to inform me that he knew why Daly had to leave precipitately; her oxygen tank suddenly emptied out due to malfunction, which was deeply dangerous and life-threatening. I started crying. Miss Isabel was crying while being comforted by Constance. I tried contacting Daly; no answer. I asked everyone back at the band’s HQ in Montreal so they could write to members of her family to get some information. I was livid but didn’t want to think about the worst case scenario; life, life, life!!!!

We gathered at the hotel. I was obviously quiet, still working the phone to get some info while our dear brother Jessie, the movie producer behind most of my music videos, who had come to spend a few days on the road with all of us, offered us Jamón ibérico and Macaronesian gin he had brought back from the Spanish village where he resides. Everyone was in awe. Even Oli, who was already in his room, came back to taste some of it and to explain the high quality and special nutritive component of the Jamón…!

Gathered at the hotel after the show

I could finally breathe a little better when I received a message from Daly, who told me she was ok, sad that she had missed the show, but thanked me for telling her she was beautiful (she is!!!) and reassured me that this would give her the strength to keep on fighting so we can see each other again. I cried… Everyone looked at me, wondering what was going on. I explained everything to those who weren’t informed of the situation (I didn’t want more people to worry until I had more news). What a relief… What a powerful woman!!!

Life creates life!

Your brother and friend.

Alex

PS: The third post-tour text is titled “Cologne: I Fired Another Drummer”