Bocholt: The End Is Beginning… I’m Shining Now
Last Tour Recap Special #5 (Final)
Since the last 5 concerts of The High Blooming Ritual tour were so significant for me, I decided to fully embrace every single moment there was for me to experience and to do so as they unfolded rather than spend my early morning time writing, musing, and reflecting.
It was a totally different approach, one that allowed me to immerse myself into what I knew would be a deeply emotional and intensely demanding type of tour… And no matter if it was a short stretch, it was purposely designed to mark a pivotal point in the evolving transition I’ve been engaged in, personally and creatively, for a while already.
Divided into 5 short texts, I will highlight some sensations, vibrations, and introspections I had during each of those days that all went by too fast for self-doubts, that were too real to even try and hold onto them, and that were too particular to capture their essence… They had to be welcomed, embraced, lived.
Read the other parts:
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4
Bocholt: The End Is Beginning… I’m Shining Now
I woke up early, too early. It didn’t feel like I slept at all. I was upbeat nonetheless, febrile even. I couldn’t believe today was the last concert of what had been such a highly significant era for me and for so many others as well. I was lighthearted, at peace… I didn’t feel nostalgic like I initially thought I would be. It was still dark outside, but I felt as if my feet generated lights with every step I made… I was right where I needed to be. In my case, it means quite something, because I lived my whole life wondering where I had to be instead, or where I wanted to be at best. But this morning, I was in my “now”, freely floating between the elements of doubts and fears that used to hold me back over and over in the past. The best image to illustrate my state of heart would be a plane taking off at night with all the bright lights showing the runway, only to see the plane emancipating the tangibility of its takeoff protocol to hit the open air. How can such an inert thing even fly? My engine is the faith I have in the journey I am finally embracing, it’s the love I have for everyone in that so-called plane. Like Doc Brown told Marty McFly at the end of the Back to the Future movie, “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” Amen to that!!!
The Elephant in the Room
I was obviously the first one to hit the breakfast room… I mean, who’s crazy enough to get up before 6am, especially after getting to bed so late? I like those short instants of quietness. The whole world is suspended in a way, and time is still trying to figure out the nature of its unfolding rhythm. It’s calm and serene, like a fresh canvas awaiting to be daubed all over with intentionality. That’s why I find morning twilight to be magical, why I’m so appreciative of each occasion I have to witness the unique colors of dawn delicately emerging from the darkness I find myself surrounded with too often. I find it comforting. If dusk reminds my heart that it owes me nothing, sunrise is a sign that no matter what happened the day before, everything is made anew and holds the promises of new beginnings, new possibilities.
The hotel personnel I encountered when we arrived — the very same ones I bombarded with questions regarding the zoo — came to see me for a little chat. Meeting people is the fabulous part of touring, but even more, being disposed and welcoming is the blessing I receive through those unexpected rendezvous. Everyone is their own miracle, and I’m always eager to hear the story of someone generous enough to expose their voyage. I don’t want to reveal anything I had the privilege to commune with the young lady who sat down for a coffee break, but it reminded me that whatever horrifying experience we might have had to go through, courage is not the resilience to keep on going — no, it’s the impossible decision we make to forgive and the determination we have to cultivate a daily fulfilling joy. That is courage. Courage to choose life. And it’s not easy. It isn’t for anyone. So we shared about depression and purposefulness. “What an enlightened way to start my day,” I told her. Today’s canvas was already filled with bright and vivid colors, and it wasn’t even 7am… A mood contrasting with the gloomy weather outside.
The manager joined us at some point. We talked music and Morocco, and he asked me if I wanted a private visit of the zoo. Inside me, I absolutely wanted to jump at the opportunity, but I was supposed to have a meeting with Jeff regarding the end of the tour details in about 30 minutes, so I politely declined. “The elephants are just around the corner if you want to feed them,” he added. I smiled back at him, thinking, “Go away, devil!!!” And by some freaky voodoo trick or something, the guy didn’t disappear, no, but Jeff appeared! “Hey guys, everything ok?!” As I was hoping the zoo visit wouldn’t be brought back, because Jeff would never believe that I wasn’t the one trying to force the issue, I heard the manager say, “Oh yes, I offered Alex a private visit of the zoo.” The look Jeff gave me was terrifying. I could hear ALEXANDRE HENRY JIMMY SERGE JEAN-GUY JAMES FOSTER” (Yes, my parents had a hard time understanding that a name is not a name wish list.) “But I understood he has a meeting, so it will be for next time you’re in town then,” continued the manager. Jeff’s eyes became brotherly nice again. So much for someone only looking for the zoo… Right?!?
Excuse My French
The end-of-tour meetings are always intense. There are so many things to look into, especially as I don’t really know when I’ll tour again, so I want to make sure everything is in order and that everyone is aware of the game plan so no one has to spend the whole night trying to figure things out. The main reason I find it difficult to do on the morning of the last concert is the fact that I’m not there yet in my heart… The tour ain’t over, and I’m still resolutely immersed in its soulful essence. Merch and gear storage isn’t truly what occupies my mind, but I have to set the further motion regardless of the spiritual elements of the evening ahead. Of course, planning isn’t mundane — better be safe than sorry. Bad experiences talking here: there will be no zoo for any of us!
As we were assembled for breakfast, the whole touring party of BRUIT ≤ came in, so we had the opportunity to keep on sharing. I really like those guys… Super friendly, funny, humble, and everything I’m into creatively. It was cool to laugh with them and just hang out for a short bit. Since I’m rarely teaming up with other bands, it’s always a true pleasure for me to have impromptu moments with fellow road travelers. It’s even rarer to do so in French. We teased each other, as there’s an old form of language mockery going on between the different spoken French in France and Canada. Nothing too serious, just good teasing vibes, which made our moment together even more sympathetic, one we kept on stretching until Jeff reminded everyone that we had to go. Poor Jeff, he’s got the worst position to help make friends!
We dropped Jessie at the train station and immediately headed to Bocholt. It was rainy, gray, foggy, and gloomy, but I wasn’t down or anything, not at all… I was excited to dwell into whatever spirit the evening would lead me in, would uplift us all through.
Set The Heck Up
The ride felt pretty short for me, revisiting the last 5 years: the joys, the let-downs, the miracles, the losses, the pain, the healings, the enfranchisement, and so on… “What a rich period of my life,” I thought. I even died and got resuscitated in the process. Not bad, I suppose. That’s why I’m counting my blessings, why I learned to be grateful in every little aspect of my life. There’s a major difference between accepting what’s left and being thankful for whatever you may have or not… That’s how I see my existence now. I’m no longer my delusional ambitions’ slave, but I’m a pragmatic dreamer still — and sometimes less pragmatic than I should be, I guess!
We arrived at the venue fairly early. The place wasn’t ready for us, but we are always eager to help, to make it easy for everyone. It took us a while to set up… There was a mix of excitement and blues floating amongst us, a sort of “I don’t know when we will see each other again, so I want to take everything in before we’re splitting” mood, which reflects perfectly well what we have built as a unit with one another: family. Even our friend Chanel came earlier to help us out; she knew Marcus and Isabel would have to count the surreal number of items we brought with us before they were stored in our locker in Cologne. That’s just another example of how beautiful a community we are a part of. The kindness, the care, the benevolence… How magnificent!
It’s Soundcheck Time
We ran late setup-wise, so I went to greet every member of The Club who had to wait to attend the soundcheck. It’s such a moment of intimacy, where there are only brothers, sisters, friends, and loved ones. No fans, no musicians, just “us” in the most vibrant of all possible ways… Hugs, laughter, smiles, kisses. Us… Everyone is a bright color in the happiness of my life, and to know that some people drove together, rented hotel rooms, and meeting our longtime sister Farah’s son, Nilo, for the first time all made me very emotional, deeply humble, and highly grateful… Wow, wow, wow.
The soundcheck finally went on. It was lighthearted on stage. We were all pretty mellow, disposed, and genuinely happy to be there with our people regardless of the little sleep we had, the end of the tour, and the upcoming goodbyes… There was a collective willingness to make it special by offering the best version of ourselves to each and everyone, to turn an evening held in the small city of Bocholt into an eternal instant, one that we would all remember, not because of Alex, the band, or the music, but because we would leave with something we can’t truly explain, identify nor comprehend, yet something obviously singular, a let-go maybe, a new measure of freedom, a burden gone, a suffering healed… Who knows? But that was my desire.
We ended up playing 2 songs from Your Favorite Enemies during soundcheck: 1,2,3 (One Step Away) and Empire Of Sorrows, which I started being fond of. We also played Lavender Sky, explained a little about the songs’ context and why I wanted to potentially play them later on… It was light but meaningfully engaged. We ended up talking some more, took a group picture, and kissed everyone. What a graceful time we had.
Pre-Concert Preparation Is Serious… Almost!
We took the time to eat all together. The promoter’s sister cooked a homemade lasagna that was just unreal good. Besides sushi, I think lasagna may be my favorite meal ever. So it was great. We rested for a minute and chatted a little about what may come next… For me, it would be Tangier and completing my next record. I mentioned that I hoped to welcome some of them to Morocco for the new year. The atmosphere was childlike; we were teasing each other… It was clear that we would have liked to keep going, but being grateful is also to cherish the impermanence of things we love that might go away for a while… That’s the ultimate flamboyance of our common canvas: going in our own different directions for some time before coming back with new shades and tints to add to the monumental art piece that is our collective journey.
After I decided on the evening’s set list, Ben started to play the best of the hidden camera videos of a Belgian comedian, Francois Damiens, for Oli, who didn’t know him. We couldn’t stop laughing. It was one video after the other, to a point where I looked at the clock and had to make the call we would be on in 30 minutes. We all jumped from our chairs and got in our pre-concert preparation motion right away, super seriously. No more sounds. That is, until Ben started to quote the videos and everyone just exploded in more laughter. I was barely able to do my voice warmups as I was laughing so much. And when I could finally focus, Sef, who wasn’t there for the whole scene, entered the room all stressed out, saying, “Guys, Felix and Kerim just told me it was the last gig of the tour… Is it true?!” We all laughed some more. Jeff replied, “No Sef, we’re playing Marineland tomorrow.” Sef turned to Jeff and said, “That was cruel!” Suddenly, it felt like I was in a François Damiens hidden camera video!
I honestly never experienced a pre-concert that hilarious. I even told Jeff we would need an extra 10 minutes before showtime to focus. To which he answered, “I thought you would ask for 30 minutes…! Man, it’s gonna be a crazy one tonight! Must be the full moon or something about Bocholt!”
A Wave of Emancipation
What happened on stage was nothing short of incredible. If I didn’t feel much of anything during our Gloomaar Festival set, I can honestly say that I was moved from the first second to the last on the stage of De Kouter. I wouldn’t be able to describe or even explain the sensations I had, but it was a profound sense of freedom, a kind of liberating euphoria, a sort of inner homecoming, as if after what felt like an endless journey of sufferings, the invisible shackles of everything that had been holding me back for so long finally were cast off. Maybe it would last for a brief instant, or maybe I would be truly delivered from my usual torments, cleansed and restored… I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter.
The simple fact that I experienced such a joyful epiphany makes freedom real enough for me to know that I’m indeed free… From what? I might never understand… But I take it all as a pure transfiguration, a state of heart and mind connecting the past, the present, and the future together, a regeneration that now makes the incarnation of new words and the embodiment of new sounds possible, a rejuvenation that will give me the courage to cross to the other “shore” of my life, one I kept contemplating the dazzlement of from too far a distance to discern its singular outlines…
I was so moved to witness just how vividly flamboyant the wave of emancipation I was dwelling on was… Originating from the communal let go that had filled the whole room, it wasn’t about me, the band, or the music; it was about “us”, our connection. And the ultimate gift for me was the beautiful measure of generosity by which everyone was offering themselves to others… As we are. Nothing to pretend. Nothing to fake for. Just “us” in the purest way…
The concert would go for a little longer than 2 hours and a half. I could have kept on playing for more, but I wanted to have a proper moment with everyone, to enjoy our relational “encore” to the fullest…
Up Til Dawn
I’m Afraid
The Son of Hannah
Lavender Sky
City on Fire
Empire of Sorrows
1-2-3 (One Step Away)
From the City to the Ocean
Summertime Departures
The Hunter
Shadows of Our Evening Tides
It’s Never Just a Concert
The laughter was already loud when I got back to the venue hall. Hugs were shared, conversations were ongoing, and everyone was radiating with joy. It looked like those old-school images from big family gatherings, where everyone rekindles with each other, introducing themselves to new members of the community. It was like an open tribe, one where you can’t say “they are this or that” since everyone is themselves. There’s no common dress code, no faux-cool type of attitude. It’s “us”. And I was super touched to see that but even more so to be one part of it all. Every interaction is natural, smiles are genuine… It’s never just a concert… Really.
I was happy to meet my brother Hugolin’s father and had a great time talking with them both. It was followed by 2 hours of conversations with absolutely everyone who could stay that long… I always hesitate to mention names, as with my very bad memory situation, I don’t want to forget anyone, but it was fulfilling. Every word, smile, hug… Everything was of a unique value to me. And I also received gifts — so many!!! Even homemade hot sauce and champagne… What?!? And as the wonderful finale, I had the pleasure to sign Martijn’s whole collection of albums at the very end of an evening that had turned into night…
I wasn’t tired at all. I could have kept on talking and talking, but it was time to pack the last elements left in our green room, allowing the venue’s fantastic team to go home. All happy with the evening, it prompted Dennis to insist that he would like to have us back during our next tour… It spoke volumes to me, as it’s usually the most rewarding way for someone who took a chance to book us to express his gratefulness, which was reciprocated considering how well we had been welcomed.
Pack Up and Hug On
We packed the rest of our personal bags. The contrast between the pre-concert vibe and the actual wrap-up mood was quite contrasting. We knew we were getting inches closer to the last goodbyes. Jane offered me a super nice birthday gift, a calendar of the pictures she captured during her passage in Tangier. I was in awe… surprised, of course, but also truly touched by such kindness.
For the last time before I don’t know when, I started to applaud, my traditional way to thank everyone for the evening after every concert. We all knew that tonight had been special and all agreed that it must have been our best “concert” ever. I reminded everyone that they were invited to Tangier for the new year, hoping to stretch our time together a little more… We hugged some more. It wasn’t the end… it was a new beginning awaiting to be unfolded, to be defined, communed, and redefined some more… That, we all knew as well.
We drove for about an hour to get closer to the Brussels Airport. We talked a little in the van… We were proud of the evening. It’s a rare word after a show for us to use, but tonight we had all the reasons in the world to be. It was “it” on every possible level.
We finally arrived at the hotel, slept 2 hours, packed back, headed to the airport, hugged Marcus goodbye, went to the check-in and luggage drop-off counter, and headed to the lounge. A few cheers, then we boarded, got to our seats, fell asleep, and woke up in Montreal. And that was it. We were back where everything started only a week ago. We loaded the band’s trailer, dropped Oli to his car, hugged some more, and drove back to the HQ.
So What’s Next?
The drive back hit everyone pretty hard… What was coming next? I was leaving with Jeff for a 2-week planning trip in Mexico the next morning, and then it would be Tangier for me, where it all started with “Windows in the Sky”, which feels like a lifetime ago already. I’m not looking to complete the cycle… I don’t believe in that. I believe in motion and ongoing continuity. I now need a sense of self, need to explore my life made anew. I’m at peace, serene, but also excited and open-minded to whatever is lying ahead for me… Me the person and, hopefully, me the artist as well. When will it be? I don’t know. What will it be? I don’t have answers. But it will be international and purposeful… That, I know.
Thank you all for your love, your support, and your kindness towards me. I’m taking it all with me as a road map to the next adventure we will have the utmost blessing to share together.
Life creates life.
Your brother and friend,
Alex
PS: I realize it sounded like a last goodbye or something… I always have a touch for the dramatic, I suppose. Don’t worry, my dear ones, I’m taking you with me, every new step of what’s coming my way.
It was a special night that one in Bocholt! Maybe it was the moon! I dont know but wauw Alex, it was something else!!Thank you for everything!! Love ur sister! 😘
How lovely to re-experience that night through your words. It had been absolutely lovely to see you all and to witness, once again, your generosity on and off stage. Thank you all for that amazing moment. I can't wait to see you all again! Much love, your little sister Chanou.