Today got a little quieter than I would have liked, as Jeff and Miss Isabel headed back to Montreal last evening in a bit of a hurry since the Springtime special open conversation we were filming got a tiny bit overboard — no surprise here! It is only the perfect representation of the magical synergy taking place on any opportunity that Jeff and I have the blessing to get together, especially away from the madness of our otherwise circus-like daily reality whenever we are at the studio HQ. A direct by-product of our self-imposed DIY lifestyle, I suppose.
It was good to have Jeff with me in Tangier for the last 2 weeks and to get in a different relational motion. The last 18 months — or 36, I tend to lose count — have been somehow tense between us, which is an incredibly rare, if not nonexistent, occurrence in our 25 years of friendship. Being entrepreneurs wears you down in ways you can’t truly define or fully anticipate… And in our particular case, having a community/family-driven business ethos adds quite an additional toll to the whole affair as responsibilities and the high level of stress that goes along with it get easily tangled with much more emotional extent. You wish everyone would care as deeply about the venture as you do, get as involved and engaged as you are, and personally invest themselves as much as you dedicate yourself to the greater good… well, if only it were that easy… It ain’t, far from it, and tragedy always hits relationally. The line between friendship and accountability is all too often blurry, variable at best. But still, you have to show up and grind your day. We aren’t different from anyone else in that respect.
So put that in the context of being invited (in the intensely required aspect of the word “invitation”) to completely immerse yourself in one of the highest-demanding self-alienating manners to get inside the “all or nothing” requirement of your best friend’s creative endeavors, and tension can rise quickly. And like it or not, once the motion is on, everybody knows I won’t have the slightest tolerance or sympathy for anyone having to deal with some emergencies created by someone’s chaos in whatever departments we oversee.
It usually goes something like, “Go manage our “friends” and come back when you’ll be disposed and willing to get your heart and soul in the furnace of what I’m presently sculpting through the invisible.” It’s harsh, if not unfair, but I don’t mix mundane with divine, at least not anymore, I don’t. If our companions don’t get what’s going on, bench them or don’t come back to the studio until you have dealt with them. It’s as simple as that. There’s absolutely no compromise for me when it comes to creation, otherwise everything is stained with other people’s selfishness, and I don’t travesty art with whomever’s nonsense masquerade.
That said, what profoundly hurts me is knowing all too well that Jeff is the one, if not the only one, being constantly deprived of his creative “calling” over other individuals’ lack of love (I was tempted to phrase it in a more direct fashion, but I pride myself in keeping my Substacks all-age). He knows, I know, we all do. At least some of us do. And as hurtful as it is, once you get through the studio door, it’s not art first, it’s A.R.T., Asceticism-Rebirth-Transcendence. (Yes, I just made that up, but it’s fairly close to what I’m trying to illustrate here!) In other words, everything unrelated to the exploration of the invisible needs to be left out, and if you can’t, for all the right or wrong reasons, you have to respect the painful process of what’s being delved into and protect its fragile harmony from your own worries and responsibilities. It’s not easy, and it’s defined not to be.
Welcome to the Alex Henry Foster spiritual journey, where inner “suffering” awaits through a painful voyage of self-emotional emancipative deprivation, and no promise to experience any sort of potential elevating epiphanic revelations is made, but where you’ll surely be entirely transformed if you are willing to be.
Note: Bystanders and sidekick passengers are most definitely encouraged to refrain from partaking in this “no one is coming back the same” transubstantiating expedition in order to avoid any unnecessary distress, torment, and despondency…
No wonder any of my attempts to involve additional musicians in the Long Shadows or to entice other artists to collaborate with me have been somehow interestingly met with some degree of “bewilderment” from most of my peers so far! Ok, it’s not that bad, let’s settle for the word “perplexity”. I can almost hear them talking to themselves: “Ok, so Alex is really that strange; it’s not a public persona… Interestingly puzzling!”
Anyway, Jeff’s passage, even if too short of a trip, was great, if not greatly necessary. It’s capital to remember who we are to each other, and to do so, we need to allow ourselves to simply be Jeff and Alex, the individuals, the best friends, the brothers. That stands much higher than the entrepreneurs (and too often “kindergarten supervisors”), and Tangier has become the sole place where it is possible for us to get back to the foundational cornerstone of our relationship.
Our friends here see us for who we are, not for the results of what we do or might represent, or whatever. We are the two beloved freaks who like to share a significant moment with others, who are a good laugh, as much as they are eager to discover what’s unknown and to commune with what can only be unfolded by giving value to those around, which I believe is the reason why, on every opportunity we have to come here, we end up significantly revitalized.
Therefore, reconnecting on that intimate level always brought our relationship to a new level. It kind of recenters us on what matters, resettling what ain’t important to its right place while leading us to refocus ourselves towards our visions and dreams. Ultimately, it is what manages to define and redefine both of these things each and every time we get together, which is an incredible benediction, to say the least.
Life creates life.
Your friend and brother,
Alex
This Is the End Part the Title Refers To
Would any of you be interested in gathering for a weekend in Tangier to commune with me and the band for a few concerts and to attend a live “Open Conversation” while discovering the city? Would mid-November be a good time? I’m just asking…hypothetically speaking, of course! ;)
Would love to join! Mid November might be a bit difficult though. But where's a will there's a way!
I want to come to Tangier! Mid-November sounds hypothetically great! 😊