I am now convinced that Tangier is a place
where the past and the present
exist simultaneously in proportionate degree,
where a very much alive today
is given an added depth of reality
by the presence of an equally alive yesterday.
In Tangier the past is a physical reality
as perceptible as the sunlight.
- Paul Bowles (1)
I’m presently at the Mohammed V International Airport in Casablanca, waiting for a flight that will take me to Montreal, where I’ll stay for a little less than 24 hours before heading to Virginia to assess the incredibly surreal situation of my house… Oh, well, that’s another story of its own, that’s for sure.
I’m sitting at the newly revamped lounge, now named Aspire — whatever its name may refer to. It is by far much cozier than its previous incarnation, the exquisite Pearl Lounge, where Jeff and I had so many significant moments together, from emotional conversations related to our profound love for Tangier and its people, up to uncontrollable bursts of laughter associated with the former organizational nonsense of the place, which the proprietors generously described as the most refined experience a “lounge” can offer to frequent flyers… Really?! Ok, then…!
It’s utterly funny considering that a place located right beside bathrooms with permanently defective plumbing and inviting you to navigate between broken furniture to find a seat is not really the idea I have of what the finest sophistication is…! But in all fairness, what I’ve experienced here was so significant that I’m kind of disappointed that they changed the whole thing, especially as I have a true knack for whatever is tacky, beautifully shoddy, kitsch, or somehow pretty random… It had a certain form of comforting charm and most certainly a unique personality.
Therefore, the late Pearl was any trip’s perfect ending for us, a sort of reflective and grateful one, as it offered us a last element of perfect silliness before we would head back to wherever we called home, depending on the actual stage of our personal and collective voyage.
That being said, regardless of the lounge’s remodeled character, the sad emotions I’m presently dealing with aren’t too different from what I usually struggle with affectively when I find myself here, knowing I’m about to leave Morocco… Even if this present departure seems much more intimate than any of my previous fly-aways, this particular time seems somewhat more earnestly heartfelt to me.
Maybe it’s because I was able to have the very rare opportunity to spend a relatively lengthy period on my own, or simply because I’ve had the elating impression that I’ve been (re)starting to build what looks like a real life for myself, reminiscent of sensations associated with my initial passage in Tangier almost 10 years ago, a journey that was nothing short of a life-saving pivot in my otherwise estranged and complicated existence. To resume the establishment of a renewed foundation I’ve been yearning for for so long has been a precious blessing for me. It’s just dispiriting to leave.
I would lie if I said that I’ve figured out what the full extent of those 8 weeks of meaningful motion has transformed within me, of what I’m taking back home. I don’t feel especially more rested, at least not physically, than when I arrived, nor do I think I have found a better understanding of the specific nature of what’s coming up for me in the near future… But despite it all, I just know that I’m most definitely different now, which could be the direct result of allowing myself to experience life outside my usual reality for a short while or the expansion of a much wider vision I had withheld from my heart and soul. Again, I don’t know... It might possibly be all of those... Intellectualizing everything ain’t probably as essential as I would like it to be. After all, the notion of the unknown remains the greatest factor contributing to seeing your spirit emancipating and to keep evolving... At least for me it is.
I guess that what I needed or what I was unconsciously craving for so desperately was an exceedingly broader measure of perspective on who I may have become or to honestly find peace in who I might have been all along... One way or the other, I’m grateful to intentionally move forward, as I’m seriously impatient to go back in the studio to incarnate the transformative convictions I have always been so hesitant or too worried to assume.
Life creates life.
Your brother and friend,
Alex
PS: After almost 7 weeks of heavy rain out of my 8 weeks in Tangier, I sure can’t wait to hit the major cold wave and snowstorm waiting for me in North America… NOT!!!
(1) APA: Bowles, P. (1958, March). The Worlds of Tangier. Holiday, 23(3), 66–70, 157–159.
